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It’s kind of awkward to start a blog post when I’ve been away for so long. I feel like I’ve been out of the writing groove, but when I accidentally wrote some mini blog posts on my Instagram account this week I knew it was time to open a post draft and just write for fun, even if my thoughts are jumbled and I have twenty semi-organized blog post ideas scribbled on a piece of notebook paper in the gigantic five-subject back-to-school special I bought myself as a treat a few weeks ago. It’s good to be back.
But seriously…the last post I wrote was published on May 16th. My website homepage has been the same for over two months. I don’t think I’ve ever gone this long without blogging, and I have really, really missed it. Writing is very therapeutic for me; I express myself better on a page than I do by mouth.
To be very honest, the last nine months of my life have been some of the roughest I’ve ever experienced in many (not all) aspects. If you know me and you’re counting, that takes you back to the beginning of November 2017 when I got engaged. I was already busy working full time and preparing to publish a second cookbook…then I planned a wedding, saw my fiancé for 24 hours in the space of 3 months of our engagement, got married, moved from the only home I’ve ever known to a place far away from family and the church I had been a part of for my whole life, put our house in order, tried to figure out this whole marriage thing, and jumped right into intense work on my second cookbook to keep up with the personal timeline I had set for myself as soon as Necessary Food was published. Smart? Uh – NO!
Do I regret it? Also no.
I’ve always had a serious problem of over-committing myself. Part of it is a daily consequence of my OCD, which constantly tries to trick me into believing that I’m responsible for things I’m not and I have to do as much as I possibly can, and more, in order to be good enough. When you’re single, you can get away with that mentality for the most part. In my case, there were five other people in the house to keep things running, and I wasn’t the one primarily responsible for keeping the house in order and making sure there was food to eat. Once I got married, I lost my back-up squad! Let me preface this by saying that I have the most amazing, understanding husband who, while sometimes confused by this harried creature he married, did his level best to bring sanity to our home and Walmart salads to the table when I didn’t have time to cook. But…until July 1st, my husband was also a doctor in his intern year of residency. His schedule varied by the month, but he typically worked 70-80 hour weeks, which when combined with studying for continued education and taking time to eat and exercise and run errands, didn’t (and doesn’t) leave a whole lot of “free” time. While Ryan was working, I was busy trying to be “super wife” and keep the house clean, pantry and fridge full, and laundry done while still working the full time+ hours that I had worked as a single woman. I kept trying with virtually no breaks for many months. I had to finish this second cookbook so it could be published before the holidays this year. Anything less would be doing less than my best, and that would be sin. (This is how my personal experience with OCD works.) Meanwhile, I was an emotional mess and completely stressed out. I was stuck in a downward spiral that I didn’t know how to get out of, and my brain was always running at 500 miles per hour. When Ryan and I were able to spend time together, it was hard for me to enjoy it because I felt guilty knowing we both had work that needed to be done. I couldn’t wind down enough to go to sleep, so I’d lie awake for an hour or two every night (while my dear husband, who can fall asleep within twenty seconds, blissfully slept).
In May Ryan worked a month of night float, so his entire schedule was flipped and he was at home, awake, for a grand total of two hours every day. I would stay up until outrageous hours making cookbook recipes – shooting for 16 completed recipes a week to make my deadlines. They often took 2-3 tries to get right, so I’ll let you do the math on how much food went through my kitchen. I gave some of it away, but a lot of the flops are still in my freezer…haha. In May, I gave up blogging. I just couldn’t blog and make a cookbook at the same time now that I was a wife (at least not with the deadlines I was setting for myself). In June Ryan worked days again, but he was on a difficult team and often didn’t get home until after 7 pm (and he left by 6 in the morning) – one night it was 10 pm. In June I typed up several months’ worth of recipes, organized cookbook info, edited pictures, etc. In July I knew I was going to be gone for 2½ weeks since we were attending Ryan’s brother’s wedding and I was going to be singing in Laudate Mennonite Ensemble, and I worked right up until the day before we left editing all the cookbook recipes. I sent them to my designer, flew to Pennsylvania, and was fully planning to try to catch some time to schedule social media posts for while I was gone…but the time never came, and I had to just let it go.
Above: the morning of Charles and Missy’s wedding, making sure every hair is in place. Never mind the giant wrinkle down the middle of my dress. #suitcaselife Photo creds to my mother-in-law!
That trip was truly a God-send. Ryan was able to take a week of vacation, and we could spend time with family and just do things together on a more relaxed time table. No work for either of us. On tour with Laudate, I had a decent amount of bus time in which to just sit in silence. I wasn’t always actively thinking about things, but this was honestly, truly the first time since I got married that my brain had a chance to completely unwind. While I was watching scenery out the bus window and catching snippets of conversation, my brain was thrumming in the background, processing all the changes I had experienced in the past six months. I was able to observe some women who really inspired me with the intentional way they separated their full personal and work lives successfully, giving me hope that I could learn to do that too. Then I got this earth-shattering thought – “What if I set work hours for myself?”
That may sound laughably obvious to most of you, but for me, it was a completely new idea. I’ve always felt the need to work as long as there is work to be done. Don’t leave anything unfinished. Since I commit to so much, there is always work to be done, so I’m always working! The thought that maybe it’s not lazy to have some free time even when I still have work to do was a new one. I also have always had a hard time viewing housework as “real work.” I enjoy it so much that it must be lazy to take time to just focus on cleaning and organizing, right? After getting married I just loved being a wife and homemaker, but I felt guilty to spend too much time on that and not enough time on blogging and working on my cookbook.
Just to be clear, my skewed mindset wasn’t my husband’s fault. He’s always encouraged and been proud of my business pursuits, but he is also undeniably the breadwinner in both of our minds. When I called him from PA to tell him about my new revelation about setting work hours for myself, his response was, “That’s a great idea!”
Slowly but surely, God used my time away from my normal routine to teach me some alternative ways of viewing life and formulate some solutions. I am so excited about this. I haven’t felt this free in many, many months. I don’t know that these things will make sense to many of you, but if you’ve dealt with any form of an obsessive compulsive disorder, I hope some of my breakthroughs can be an encouragement to you. Even if my ramblings make no sense to you, I hope you can see and appreciate the hand of God as He has guided me to new ways of viewing life. I think all of us have serious blind spots in some area or another, and I’m so thankful that God is continually leading us into new paths. I’m also thankful that He doesn’t expect perfection all at once.
So…do I regret making myself this busy and jumping right into cookbook #2 after getting married? (This was what created a lot of my stress over the past six months.) My mom asked me that question, and after ruminating on it, my answer was no. I’m so stubborn and thick-headed that it literally almost took an emotional breakdown for God to get my attention and realize that I just can’t live life like this. I had to be taken to the breaking point in order to change my path. Am I sorry that the first six months of my marriage had to go through this? Yes. But I’m glad it happened now rather than later.
So what are some practical ways that I’m going to be changing the way I live life, and how will that affect my blog and future projects?
- A big part of keeping my OCD under control is learning to say “no” to the things that I feel compelled to do. In this case, I’m going to be setting work hours for myself. I’ll be setting aside time every day to enjoy keeping my house in order and doing all the normal daily tasks that go along with running a house – and I will view that work with as much weight as bookkeeping, supervising cookbook design, and writing new blog posts.
- I’m not going to do blog/cookbook work after 9 pm. Sometimes my husband studies and I work at the kitchen table until late into the evening, but I’ve come to realize that if I’m working until 10 and going to bed at 10:30, my brain has not had time to decompress. I’ll probably still be at the table with my husband, but I’ll be reading a book for fun or trying to learn how to do trendy calligraphy.
- Blogging and publishing are officially becoming my hobby – not a career. If I don’t want to make recipe videos, I’m not going to make recipe videos. I do not have to be the most prolific blogger on the block. I don’t have to sell a certain number of books. I’m going to do this for fun, y’all! If I keep the right perspective on it, it is fun!
- I’m going to do more spontaneous things. I’m going to be more sociable. More flexible. I’m going to have to watch that I don’t overload myself with activities on the other side of the spectrum now. 😛 This morning I took carrot cake in to the hospital for Ryan and his coworkers in honor of his birthday today. It’s things like that that I want to take the time to do.
- I’m going to try to minimize my screen time and stick with more old-fashioned activities (reading, playing piano, making cards, walking…maybe even crocheting?). Social media notifications are a continual burr under my saddle and have a tendency to make me anxious. I do not have the Facebook app or Facebook Messenger for this very reason. I’m going to have to do something about Instagram. I love that platform, but I check it way too often to clear my notifications. If anyone has any tips about streamlining social media usage, please share below! I recently turned off the “reply to story” feature on Instagram to minimize Instagram messages. Is that super rude?? I worry about such things, but on the other hand, I have to keep my sanity! I prefer to answer questions via the email contact form here on my website, so I channel people to that as much as possible. Taking steps like this and realizing that I am only one person, not a machine, and that I am allowed to set limits for myself is very helpful to me.
- After I get this cookbook published, I’ll probably keep revamping my schedule to work less and less. (Keep in mind that I’m starting from more-than-full-time hours…haha.) I will keep blogging, but I’m going to blog when I feel like it and have something to blog about. Since I love blogging, you might see me quite a bit – but I can take breaks, too. And if I ever have children, I can take off for months if I want to! I have a feeling I’ll always come back, because I love having a creative outlet and a space to write.
- As far as future cookbooks go, we’ll see. I will not be publishing another book with deadlines. Future works might be more or less compilations of blog recipes without so many cookbook exclusives. I’d like to do more in the ebook realm in the future, but only if I feel like it. Blogging is where my heart is!
So what does my life look like now?
Well, I got back from PA early last week and instead of opening up my computer first thing Tuesday morning and wading through two weeks’ worth of notifications, I spent an entire day cleaning the house and doing laundry. (#unheardof) The house was in blissful disrepair before I launched into it, but that didn’t even bother me! I felt so free! I even made my husband a pitcher of iced coffee for the fridge and as he poured some that evening he asked curiously, “Did you do this just to be nice?” I laughed and told him to get used to it. 😛 I love doing nice things for him, but for so long I barely had time to bake a squash for supper, much less make unnecessaries like iced coffee. Needless to say, Ryan likes living with this Briana a lot better.
Above: getting back into the cooking scene with my Mommy’s Meatloaf recipe
Who is this Briana? This is Briana Burkholder. Briana Thomas really built a name for herself and held herself to very high expectations, but her identity has changed and she no longer needs to keep up with a certain performance level to be worth something. She has a God Who loves her and a husband who takes care of her and encourages her to do what she loves. She’ll probably always struggle with the need to perform, but she knows that God will faithfully show her when she needs to reevaluate her priorities.
Above: finally creating some new recipes! This cheesy veggie dish will be coming to the blog when I have time.
I am Briana Burkholder, and I currently have dishes to wash and food to make for my husband’s special birthday supper tonight, so if you’ll excuse me….
As I think over the last year of my life and all the mistakes I’ve made, some stunningly simple yet profound words from Laudate’s beloved director, Dr. Ken Nafziger, come to mind:
“That was then. This is now.”
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PS – I do plan on keeping the name on my website and social media accounts “Briana Thomas” to avoid confusion since that’s what I’ve always gone by, but for all practical purposes, I am Briana Burkholder. 😉
PPS – Periodically some of you ask about wedding pictures, and I do intend to post some before our first anniversary…haha. I just haven’t had time to go through them yet, and we didn’t have great weather to take them in so I’ve toyed with the idea of retaking some. Still have to decide about that.
PPPS – My second cookbook is in the design phase right now and I’m working with some incredible designers. It should be released in a few months but I don’t have an exact date yet. Can’t wait to share it with you all! If you don’t have Necessary Food (my first book) yet, CLICK HERE to check it out. It has so many of my classic favorites!
Below: hashing out cookbook design
Update: In the spirit of cutting back and not overwhelming myself with trying to respond to each and every person without sounding trite and cliché, I just want to say right here that I read each of your sweet, encouraging comments, and if I could see you in person, I would’ve given you a big hug and whispered a heartfelt “thank you,” hoping that you could see my true feelings in my eyes because I would’ve been too choked up to say anything else. Thank you for your friendship.
Briana. I love this. Rooting you both on!
Thank you! Thank you for not falling into a trap! I am a 33 yr married mom of many and I resonate with what you say. Your words are not just confessions and decisions, but encouragement!
How lovely to hear from you again!
What a delightfully honest blog that I have learnt so much from too.
See you later – whenever rhat may B❣
You are such an inspiration and a blessing to everyone, Briana! Keep on being your same wonderful self! I loved your “musings of Bri” blog post, and totally believe that you are going to be a wonderful wife! Ryan is a blessed young man for sure. God bless you!❤
Thank you so much for sharing your season of life with us. I to tend to pile things upon myself and work relentlessly until they are completed. Which never leaves me in a good position. It usually leaves me sick and having to take a week or more out of our everyday tasks to rest and recoup. I have 5 children that I homeschool and I lead a CC community (this is my first year), as well as tutor and work from home. Whew! Just typing that is a lot. Anyway, I am constantly thinking, “Well, if all these other women can do it then I should be able to as well”. While I’m sorry you had such a busy and restless time, it is encouraging to know I am not alone and that it is ok to be human and allow others to see that aspect as well. I’m thankful for the women like you that God uses to speak into my life and the lives of others. Thank you for all your hard work! My family enjoys your recipes regularly. God Bless!
It is such a release to realize the Lord provides us seasons in life and the work we are to accomplish. I too have a website and yet, I have not written for over a 1.5 year since marriage and have attempted yet, there has been a husband to cherish and serve, a house to remodel, a baby to have, moving for 3 months to care for someone battling Leukemia with our 7 week old baby in a RV, and the list goes on. I have wrestled too with desiring to write the same type of articles that required extensive research (www.equest4truth.com – I’m a horsewoman and loved doing Freelance articles and photography for Paint Horse Journal, etc.) and yet, what a release it is to know I’m doing the work of the Lord when all these other priorities keep me from doing what I did when single. After waiting 31 years until meeting and marrying my husband, it with no regret to change indentity and focus on family and serving with my husband. It is a beautiful, full season filled with blessing and I’m loving the opportunity to cook new recipes that my husband enjoys and now our 1 year old is nibbling too! Enjoy your new identity! God’s gift of marriage is a rich blessing when He provides the right one!
It’s beautiful to see the way God has gently done His work in you. He is a GOOD Father!
I’m not on fb much anymore either, also in the spirit of cutting back. But i truly enjoy your posts. I laughed through this one because I remember having these lessons taught to me. It took me longer to implement them. I hope you’re better at it than I was. My saying: I’m not there anymore. Now I’m here. Loving the here.
Mmm…I like that, Marion!
Thank you, Briana! I just read this post, and you blessed me through these words. I tend to live in the extremes, either running 100 miles per hour or doing nothing, and I have been wanting to find a God-glorifying balance for some time. Your story of recognizing your priorities and organizing your time has challenged me to do the same. Thank you, thank you! And God bless you in this new season of life!
Oh, how I can relate to you , ummm, “issues” because I have them too. I’m so thankful you got wise so early in life. For me, my daughter was 7-8 yrs old before I finally recognized that I am NOT Superwoman! It’s incredibly freeing. Unfortunately I passed on this trait to said daughter, who’s figured out that crocheting and lettering are God sent sanity savers. Mine happens to be reading for pleasure. I so enjoy your blog and recipes and candor in communicating, especially with your faith. Thank you for being so sweet. It was certainly wonderful to “meet” you!
Briana– Thank you for sharing your heart in this post. I saw myself so much in it. I’ve been blogging for almost 8 years and wrote a design book in 2015, so our lives are similar. I am a bit older and waited until my kids were in school to start blogging, but once I started getting paid for it, I was working 70 hours a week at it and it about broke me. God uses the strangest things to fix us. I unexpectedly lost my mother in June. As gut-wrenching and painful as it was, it forced me to step away from work for a good while and reprioritize my life, as a whole. The long periods of non-work and silence have nourished me in ways I could never imagine. Thank you for being so transparent in your transition. So many of us relate so well to this burn out, that can creep up without warning. My kids start school again tomorrow, and I, too, will be implementing work hours. Blessings to you and your new marriage. I love your first cookbook and use it constantly…can’t wait for the next one!
It was nice meeting you, Briana, at lunch on the last day of tour.
I’m so glad God is so patient with us!
May the Lord guide you as you stumble along this new path. And may you embrace each moment in its fullness (rather than feeling just a busy rush to finish something before you can do something else). Bless you, Bri!
You were in York?! I hope you enjoyed it. It’s known as the snack capital of the world because of all of the snack foods made here. That’s why I need all of your delicious recipes because most aren’t THM friendly 🙂
Haha…I didn’t know that! Yes, we were in York, but only for an evening program – no sightseeing.
I am so glad you’re back; you have been in my thoughts often. I sure wish that I enjoyed housework; I’m the opposite, I will look for any way to put it off! I must be a terrible housekeeper because to me your dress does not look wrinkled at all. I am looking forward to that cheesy veggie dish recipe to make it on the blog!
You’re amazing, Briana, and I thank you for your honest and humbleness in this post. I support everything you’ve said above. You have done so much in so few years of life, and I say that as a 30 year old! Enjoy this new freedom and every moment of being Briana Burkholder.
You are so real and honest and beautiful. I see so much of my younger self in you. Stick to your convictions and new schedule–it will desperately try to creep in on you. I can’t wait for your second cookbook, but your relationships and sanity are more important. God’s got this and your future in His hands. Blessings!
I am reading your posts all the way from Australia. I keep wondering if I am coming back to your blog because of your wonderful recipes…. Or just because I feel like your heart is in the right place. It’s so very obvious to me that you are trying your best in life, being a blessing to everyone else. When you wrote in your post that your husband fell inove with you because of your blog I was not in the least surprised. This marriage thing is a bit tricky (and exciting) at first, but after a while you will both find a routine to suit your life together – actually I keep changing my routines as we move houses, jobs, and now as we have children. It always takes a few months to get into a comfortable routine. Your husband is your priority at the moment, and I think this is just so wonderful! I wish you all the happiness in the future.
Thank you for that, Karina. That means a lot. I like your reminder that routines are constantly changing.
What an awesome post! Sometimes, we have to step back and reset priorities and take stock of what really matters.
Dear Briana,
You are a very wise woman. Everything you say “yes” to means you say “no” to something else. Living by priority is so important and fulfilling (God, husband, children, others). Rest is a very high priority (not to be confused with laziness). You are learning and putting into practice things that I didn’t ‘get’ until I was double your age (and am still trying to work on). I’ve also crashed and burned and learned the beauty of simplicity.
Thank you for all your wonderful recipes and for sharing your thoughts. But do slow down and let the Holy Spirit guide you. You are a treasure.
Love,
Beth
Hi Briana,
Just now was able to read this blog, somehow it ended up in my spam folder, crazy! anyway, loved reading your story and I can relate to a lot of it, even though there are 40+ years in our age differences. I was surprised to read that you make cards and may start to crochet. Those are my 2 favorite crafts. If you would be interested in my 2 favorite bloggers in card making I follow, let me know. I don’t want to add more to your plate than you want or need. So happy to hear that you will be blogging again. I also wanted to congratulate you and Ryan on your new journey together. God has already blessed both of you and I am confident He will continue to guide an direct your paths. Love you!
Thanks for having the courage and honesty to share! I got married in January and I can understand some of what you’ve experienced…. New church, 17 hours from family, my husband’s varying work schedules (thankfully no overnight work!) etc.
As for Instagram, you can turn notifications off. ?
Mostly, I just want to say that I get it. I have never tried to make a living off of a cooking blog, but I have set too high of expectations for myself with teaching etc. Rest is completely legitimate–God gave a whole days worth after all.
Briana, this post made me laugh hysterically, because you are exactly like me. Oh, the crazy things we can do to our own sanity!! I still struggle with this, as a homeschooling mother of five – it’s a journey.
For myself, after many years of struggle, I had to give up blogging and social media entirely. I simply found it too engrossing and too addictive. I finally realized that it had to go, and it’s been a blessing, though a difficult decision.
I love reading your site when you have time to write, but I am so thrilled at the mature and responsible decisions you are making for the betterment of your marriage and life together! Go, you!!
Thank you for sharing; God first and then your wonderful husband.
Dear sister-in-the-kitchen (cuz that’s what you feel like to me!), I resonate with so much of what you wrote. I’ve been there, too, in many ways. You go, girl, for keeping the Lord and Ryan at the top and lining up the rest of your life so you are still able to find JOY in it! Thanks for the heartfelt sharing. Hugs!
Hi Briana,
I just want to say I have been there and done that! I wouldn’t go to bed without completing ‘my list’ or have feelings of guilt! But today as I celebrate 16 wonderful years of marriage to the best and most patient man on earth, I can say God is good and leads us thru our thick headed times? He wants our marriages and homes to be stable and will guide you thru. Thanks for your honesty and slowing down to take time for your man! He truly is more important than the rest of us? God bless!
I do not often reply on any blog. But this was so inspiring.
Thankyou for sharing your honest road with God.
You are doing just fine though. You have big and wise revelations at a young age. I can relate alot with your condition.
I am 35. Married to the best man for 12years. And two toddlers.
It takes alot but God will keep on faithfully guiding you and fetching you from anywhere.
God is our centre. And we are blessed because God is the centre of our famlies.
We live in Cape Town,South Africa
And we are Afrikaans speaking. So look over my mistakes.
Amen from a wife of 42 years and grandma of 13 soon to be 14, Lord willing!
Congratulations Bri Burkholder ? on taking care of you!! You’ve got this and an incredible Heavenly Father who loves you more than you could even imagine and loves you just as you are!!
I am thrilled that you are following God’s plan for your life and keeping Him first along with husband second and us ( the public ) last. And that is how it should be. Allowing God to use you as a vessel for His glory, He will bless you in your endeavors. God bless you Briana Burkholder and you husband.
Very well written, but more that – it such an encouragement for us women of all ages. You have set my thoughts to many things in my own life. One thing I want is to spend more time communicating with grandchildren. Now is the time to make the time the Lord has given me count for Him.
So glad to see you took what God showed you to heart and are making changes. We serve a God who loves us and wants what’s best for us – even when we don’t know what that is!
Congratulations Briana on finding balance. God bless your life and your home!!
I look forward to your new cookbook, already have the first one. I also enjoy your
blogs, sharing your journey with the Lord. Keep the great thoughts & recipes coming.
Blessings
I loved Briana Thomas, but I like Briana Burkholder, even better.
I, too, struggle with overwhelming myself with responsibilities that are not totally necessary.
I, too, have a husband who is caring, understanding,…and, he helps me keep a balance in my life.
I, too, have learned to schedule my day. Before I retired, my day was tightly scheduled FOR me…now, I have to figure it out for myself. I keep a calendar in my purse, a calendar in my kitchen, a notebook on my desk and one on the kitchen counter. I schedule times for devotional reading, quilting, reading, housecleaning, cooking, pet care, caring for my 96 yr old mama, shopping, AND I am learning to schedule social times with church friends and family.
I feel much more relaxed. I am content. I am busy, but in balance.
And, yes, I am awaiting that copy of your new cook book.
By the way, after we gathered to celebrate my mama’s 96th birthday last week, I took the time to share the THM lifestyle with my baby brother (400lbs) and his wife (struggling with weight). They were very interested and delighted to know that there IS a reasonable answer to their dilemma…
I am grateful for NECESSARY FOOD and am ordering a copy for them.
SOOOOOOOOOO looking forward to your upcoming book and blogs….
I applaud your decision for many reasons. I am also going through a season of living “intentionally”—discarding non-essential pursuits and focusing on the essentials. Intentional living for me includes baking low-glycemic recipes instead of buying baked good that send my blood sugar through the roof. Your recipes are helping me accomplish that goal. Thank you for sharing your expertise. God bless!
Brianna, I am so glad that you wrote this post. I am sure that it will encourage many to make the same commitment. It will also hold you accountable. I have been married 41 years (in a few days). My husband and I struggle with making similar commitments and then finding ourselves in the same work rut. I have never worked outside the home, but still find myself scarcely taking a break. Sometimes the Lord forces a break as He did for me this year with a major back surgery. I have loved having the extra time to meditate and journal on the Word of God. I don’t want to give up that precious time in His Word, so I am trying to make new commitments too. One thing that I am sure of, we will never be successful in our own strength. It is only through His power that we will keep from falling back into bad habits of being too busy doing even good things!
I am SO VERY GLAD that you have realized that you have limitations and that, though being able to do all things through Christ, you need not “do it all”. Good for you! That you have realize this this early in your marriage is also going to help things between your husband and you, supportive as he is. I have tendencies such as yours and we end up putting so much unnecessary stress on ourselves and our spouses when we aren’t Spirit-led. That really is what it boils down to. So, I’m praising the Lord for the new direction you’re endeavouring to go and am praying for strength and discernment for you. I love your recipes and blogs and like what I see in you as a young woman, seeking to please God. When we seek to please only God, it’s amazing what clarity of thought happens each day in the way of priorities. Keep on keeping on and may God bless you.
I am so glad to read your intention to focus more on your family and yourself! I am working hard to decrease my social media presence since I sold my quilt shop last spring. One thing I did, which honestly took an afternoon with a laptop on the sofa, was go through my Facebook settings and unfollow as many groups and people as possible to decrease what was appearing on my news feed. Unfollowing is very different from Unfriending on Facebook. Most people don’t even know you are no longer following. And I’m not sure about Instagram, but on Facebook you have an option in Settings that will allow you to specify where your posts land. You may not want to be posting as public as you have in the past. We will still follow you! Also, your emails are amazing. I am always so happy to receive them. Don’t feel responsible for getting your posts to people who haven’t taken the time to subscribe. We are all adults here! Prayers for more rest for you and a continued happy first year of marriage!
You do you Briana Burkholder ~ life is so precious and speeds by so quickly. Enjoy the gifts and experiences God puts before you… Love this post ~*
Amen!!! Your growing is Jesus and allowing Christ to set you free. Such a wonderful feeling. Thanks so much for sharing! your allowing others to be set free as well.
Blessings as you work at becoming a new you! I needed to hear some of these things too. So glad we’ve met!
Thanks for being vulnerable and open about all the adjustments you’ve been through. Keep on prioritizing your time and encouraging others! It is a real blessing! So nice talking with you on your music tour.?
Briana, Loved the blog…..you just keep on doing what your doing..It is good and every good gift comes from the Lord.
Hey you might have a new book about organization and new muarriage… something like that!
You know I have Alot on my plate and I often start late but when my husband comes in the door and he doesn’t see me right away he yells…The office is closed!…I love to meet him at the door and hug him..he is blessed by the attentiveness..
Anyway..I love what you wrote and keep rejoicing…….. Cynthia
Your comments about anxiety and OCD reminded me of how hard I struggled for a long time. Waking up feeling sick to my stomach and debilitated by it. Not sure how you feel when it hits, but I feel overwhelmed. I recently participated in a small group from Wretched Radio called “Anxiety: The Biblical Cure” and it really has helped me to have a better perspective of God and how He is in control, not me. Casting my cares on Him because He cares for me. The content presented as helped me repent when I am anxious, as I now see it as a lack of faith, and God has been taking my anxiety from me. I just wanted to encourage you to rest in the Lord like you said, our works are as filthy rags and we can do nothing to be worthy enough for God. We are saved by grace alone, faith alone, plus nothing. So rejoice in the Lord in all your wonderful days, be blessed knowing you are precious in His sight. Don’t be so hard on yourself, you aren’t here to please people only God, and I am thankful for you candidness.
I totally understand feeling like if there’s work to be done, I can’t rest if it’s not done. I burned myself out functioning like that and ended up almost going into depression. It was bad. But I am thankful for God’s grace and understanding friends.
Love your honesty about life struggles. We are so blessed to have GODS guidance and love for his children. GOD first, spouse second, children third, and all of us are last.
I love your idea of sticking to more old fashioned things. Simplicity!!
This post filled me with so much joy! I had wondered about you and prayed for you and Ryan often! I’m excited about all our Lord has shown you these past months and thankful to Him for taking care of you and Ryan! Blessings and peace as you and Ryan continue to serve God and love each other!!!
Bri! This is good stuff, and I am ever so glad God used tour to speak into your life! Blessings as you live your life with new intentionality!
And yes. “That was then; this is now.” ??
I can totally relate. I ran my own business from home for 10 years while being married to an amazing man and raising 2 children. I remember the day that I also had the epiphany of making business hours for myself! Soon after accidentally, because of OCD tendencies, scheduling a work appointment on an evening that was also my daughter’s birthday!!!! I’m proud of you for recognizing your need to simplify! Way to go!!!!!
Briana, thanks for sharing all you have been through. God, in his infinite mercy & grace has helped you see things that will help you relax & enjoy your life more, & at a sweet young age.
You are the ? of HIS eye.
All the wonderful things we do to “make our home” is work… & you have been one busy little beaver. :))
So glad you will be gentler on yourself. The very fact you can recognize your OCD is a major blessing.
Your hubby is blessed to have such a sweet young woman & it sounds like you have an awesome, & caring DR for a hubby.
Love & Hugs to you ?
Briana,
Just want to encourage you in your walk with the Lord and the work He is doing in you! Thanks for sharing this post. You seem to love quotes as your cookbook and calendar reflect, so here are 3 for you that you may already have somewhere in your stash of words:
1. Things which matter most must never be at the mercy of things which matter least. – Goethe
2. My crown is in my heart, not on my head;
Not deck’d with diamonds and Indian stones,
Nor to be seen; my crown is call’d content
A crown it is that seldom kings enjoy.
– Shakespeare
3. Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee. – Isaiah 26:3
I am praying for you!
Mrs. Burkholder (that’s fun to type!), you are an amazing young woman if God and you continue to teach this 54 year old many things. More than anything I appreciate your honesty and authenticity in sharing your struggles and God’s leading in your life. You inspire and encourage me in a rarely encountered way.
While I don’t struggle with OCD, I do struggle with perfectionism which for me translates to procrastination. If i don’t feel I can accomplish something well, I will often not even attempt it until the last minute in an attempt to delay and shorten the lie of my perceived failure.
I think setting work hours is a brilliant idea. It’s something i am going to give some thought to. As a part-time school bus driver I tend to struggle with the best use of my time in a cut-up day. Homemaking, ministry, crafting (I try and make most of my gifts plus for ministry uses), and gardening all have to fit in there somewhere and rarely the same way each day.
May God continue to richly bless you and your family!
ahh, the old wise tales are still true,
a womans work is never done!
stop and spell the roses
laughter is good medicine
be flexible
I believe in the 11th commandment “thou shalt have balance”
I love true stories, thanks
find a horse to ride!
ps I couldn’t fall asleep, so I got to make a list, and then I read your blog so refreshing
I’m reading a book called ‘Your sacred yes’. I highly recommend it!!
YES! I studied this book in a group. VERY good. Only $2.82 today! https://smile.amazon.com/Your-Sacred-Yes-Life-Draining-Obligation/dp/0764213318/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1533833470&sr=8-1&keywords=your+sacred+yes&dpID=41TkvcSCisL&preST=_SY291_BO1,204,203,200_QL40_&dpSrc=srch
Great post! There is a lot of soul-searching when we change identities so thoroughly (woman-to-wife). And it will happen again when you become a mother. God keeps shaping us! I am glad you will keep blogging ?
Very good post Brianna !! I’m impressed and you totally are and the right track!!
Briana-Remember, any major change in life will require adjustment. You are finding your way. After God, Ryan is your priority. Enjoy being a wife. There is such joy in that. We love you. Breathe, it’s okay ?
I just love your honesty and transparency. I am proud of you for setting your priorities right side up as a new wife. I love your recipes and your tips and blogs too. Thank you for all your hard work in coming up with delicious recipes. Blessings!
I loved this blog. Thank you for the honesty and sharing the wonderful revelation from God. I understand what you mean about the OCD and I will add my own unrealistic perfectionism. I am looking forward to the musings of Briana Burkholder. You became one of the women whose God centered focus I can admire. Thank you and bless you.
So glad to hear from you! Have been missing your blogs. It seems that in a Christian’s life we are repeatedly checking and evaluating where we are and whether and if and what changes might prove benficial. Does not mean everything we did was wrong but sometimes simply changing and adjusting to our changing times and seasons!
Beautifully written Briana. As a Pastor’s wife I know all too well the feeling and self induced pressure of doing it all and being everything to everyone. It’s only when we step back and truly focus our eyes upon the Lord do we sense His peace, even if things are left less than perfect. I still struggle after 32 years of ministry, but my God is faithful and patient. Blessings!!!
Oh Briana! You are such a blessing to me. Thank you for your honesty. I struggle with the same “high expectations”. I go to bed every night exhausted knowing I didn’t accomplish everything on my list. I am a homemaker and I know exactly what you mean. I think setting time frames for certain tasks like working, cleaning etc is a great idea. I’m looking forward to your next cookbook. I have your first one and love it. In the end…all that matters is the love we shared with others. 1 Peter 4:8
wow girl! thank you for being willing to share. i think i can understand at least in part… whenever you do multiple part-time jobs, it always adds up to more than full-time work. so trying to keep the single life habits while trying to be wife too does sound overwhelming to me too. blessings to you as you re-prioritize your life.
LOVE this so much! As a work -from-home-er myself I think this is such a beautiful re-evaluation and I love that you shared it with all of us. <3
Good for you!
So nice to meet you Briana Burkholder! ?
What a beautiful story of God’s faithfulness. When I first got married I was completely lost. A husband. New home. New family. New job. New church. It was SO hard! I’m so happy to read about your journey and how you worked through it all.
I want to thank you for all your hard work as this new cookbook comes out. I can’t imagine how hard it must be to put a cookbook together! I use your first cookbook religiously in planning meals for myself and my family. I made your meatloaf for a luncheon the other day and everyone loved it! You are a blessing to so many! ❤️
Wow, Briana, beautiful, thoughtful post. I’ve been following you for years, throughout many changes in my own life, and it’s been a joy an inspiration to see what you share with us. Thanks and cheers for working at the pace that works for you!
I cried Reading this post!!! So happy for you Mrs. Burkholder!! I understand what you are saying completely! Praying for you as you continue in your new identity. I remember when I had to realize a lot of things after married life. Isn’t Good so good to us!!!
You and the Lord have this! He holds you in the palm of His hands!
One hint about Instagram… you can always turn off notifications. Then you don’t have to worry about clearing them all the time! I have OCD too and tend to say yes to too many things. I then get overwhelmed. I am glad you are getting it all figured out. Adjusting to marriage is a hard transition, and it is a good time to make some changes.
Good for you! I love when you have an insight from God AND realize the God moment. If you need to retake wedding photos, wait for your first anniversary. You will never be able to retake the beauty and precious moment of your wedding. A friend in Michigan,
Thank you for posting this. I can relate to being obsessive about working non-stop and feeling like I’m failing and not good enough if I’m not always working on something (or many somethings at once). I’m starting to learn otherwise.
You sound so much like my eldest daughter! (She’s also 22) She says ‘yes’ to too many things and gets overwhelmed as well. I will be sharing this post with her. I suggested a set schedule for her months ago, as she works outside the home on top of blogging, bookstagram, book reviews and online classes. I think reading a ‘similar story’ will help her to relate and finally make that schedule. I’m so glad you’ve started to figure things out to make things easier for both you and your husband.
I LOVE your honesty, Briana, and could SO relate to so much of what you shared here today. I am so thankful you were courageous enough to be transparent because I know it is going to help so many people. It is liberating to be real and to let go of all of the expectations we put on ourselves and we allow other people to hold us under bondage to. I was totally spinning out of control a few years back, going 1000 miles an hour, involved in “good” things, and I got to a very dangerous place, physically, emotionally, mentally, and yes, spiritually. Not that I ever thought of giving up on my relationship with God, but my mind and body and emotions and spirit were so overwhelmed, I nearly had a complete breakdown. So, I totally get where you are, and I am so proud of you for taking the step of setting boundaries. Wish we could talk over coffee~I think we would have a ton in common and to bounce off one another. A lot of what I am talking about on my Biblical Minimalism blog is about all of this very type thing. It is the essence of what Biblical Minimalism is all about. Standing here, three years in to this amazing journey of letting go, I can say that I feel SO much better. I only wish I would have learned it all sooner and been able to decypher between God’s approval of me and people’s approval, etc. God bless you on your journey to a simpler life, my friend.
Thank you for sharing this open testimonial about what it’s like to transition from one ‘life’ to the next. As someone who recently discovered (and received!) your first cookbook (today, actually!), I believe your unabashed honesty and faith is refreshing. Looking forward to even greater things from you- in due time! We’ll be here, don’t feel like you have to rush to keep us all happy!
It was SO wonderful to meet Briana Burkholder in York, PA, last Sunday!!!
I’m excited for your “new” journey and will pray you continue to find peace, joy, and completion in HIM!!
God Bless!!